A 2nd year PhD student, a couple thousand mile move, a neurotic cat, and a loyal husband. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Sometimes, this sucks.
like today.

I could use a pep talk, a reminder that I don't suck and that I am capable of doing this. Unfortunately, I probably won't get one. I guess I need to be able to give myself my own talks from time to time. But, it's hard to remind myself of these things.

Oh well, the little word meter is creeping up regularly, so that's a good thing at least. And I have a ridiculous amount of writing to do over the weekend. I accomplished little of my own work yesterday, although I did grade a set of abysmal undergrad exams.

I'm noticing how much harder this year is than last, and the big difference is the husband. Last year at this time, he was unemployed and my own personal assistant. He made dinner and did the laundry and had tons of time to reassure and comfort me. Now, he's started his own graduate program (which is great) and we're both stressed out and tired. I'm not sad that he has found something to make him excited about his day, but it is much harder to do this as a 2 grad student family. (plus the fact that together we take home $20,000 a year - that's certainly depressing). If it's this crazy now, am I totally nuts for thinking we'll try to start a family next year? I'm afraid to wait too much longer (we're in our early 30s already) and I don't really want to try to do this while negotiating the tenure track (plus, I'll be that much older - so it might be harder to get pregnant at that point). But, if it's this nuts when it's the 2 of us and the cat - what about a baby? How do people do this?

Oh well, apparently I just need to bitch a bit. Back to writing... another 400 words today is the goal.


AAAAAAGH said...

You can do this. You are obviously more than competent. Holding together a relationship and grad school simultaneously is a fucking amazing achievement. And your word count is going up! I have admiration for you.
Stress, as my advisor said today after giving me a box of tissues, is part of the environment. Coping with grace means you are doing well.

AAAAAAGH said...

Thanks for your comment! It is good not to be alone.

Maybe you can try to look at it this way. It's not like they 'let' you in as a favor. They enticed you in because you're awesome. They need you, to produce stuff and enhance the lab reputation.

To be honest, most academics I know would eat stationary in lethal doses rather than indulge in pure altruism. So there has to be some benefit to the higher-ups in helping us along.

Anonymous said...

this is like THE question I have too. When the heck to have kids? I don't know, we're not there yet. Plus my husband and I are like, thousands of miles apart right now.